I'm dying!

Reading back through my old emails, I stumbled across one that I wrote, presumably in response to those annoying mass emails that were circulating quite commonly at the time.

I just read it out to the boys and they almost wet their duds.

Time to bring it back to light and have another chuckle!

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SUBJECT: Goiter (DO NOT DELETE) - Please forward

DATE: 17/11/2006

Hi people,

My name is Brett and I'm dying of a huge 5kg goiter on my left earlobe.

If I don't have a much needed operation by Friday, I'm going to die from severe neck injury. The problem is, I have no money for this operation. I spent it all on Pokemon cards.

Well I really thought I was going to die... honest! I believed that all hope was lost. Then I received great news from the "House Of Liberation From Goiters" saying they will give me 25c for every idiot that forwards my email (regardless of the fact they've no way of tracking the email and finding out how many suckers actually DID forward it).

This is great news... since I've seen how popular these kinds of emails are, and how many suckers DO believe them and forward them on.

Please don't discard this email. Have a heart... would you really want a helpless child like me to suffer and die a painful death?

Well, as I write, my goiter is the size of a Queensland bush pumpkin, and my earlobe hangs to just below my right hip... No wait, it's my left ear, that's right..no left. Anyway.

I can't live a normal life, I have to walk 12 kilometers to school alone, with my goiter in a wheelbarrow. I'm a walking timebomb... and this thing could burst any day, so you can imagine I have no friends.

This thing on my ear is a dangerous object to anybody close by, since one swing of my head could leave them in a 12 month coma, or worse! I don't want that to happen. I'm scared....

My mother left home before I was born, and my father was killed when he fell into a cup of boiling hot coffee. The rest of my family and relatives lost their lives on the Titanic.

I really appreciate what the HOLFG is doing for me, but it can't happen without you. So find that special place in your heart for a little child like me, and my huge goiter.

If you don't pass this on, you will be suddenly attacked by a hoard of giant, ravenous, flying centepedes. It's true!! Why would I lie?

However, if you DO forward this message right now to 155 people, within the next 12 seconds, then SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN!! I can't tell you what -- it's a surprise!!

P.S. You have 5 seconds remaining.

(This message has an amazing inbuilt counter programmed by NASA, which links directly back to the HOLFG mainframe server, and gives an up-to-date reading on number of people who have read this email. Including anyone standing behind you reading it.)

CURRENT COUNT:  1,002,542 people. A total of $250,635.50 !!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU... I almost have enough to pay for my operation!!

P.S. 1 second remaining.

FORWARD NOW!