I'm dying!

Reading back through my old emails, I stumbled across one that I wrote, presumably in response to those annoying mass emails that were circulating quite commonly at the time.

I just read it out to the boys and they almost wet their duds.

Time to bring it back to light and have another chuckle!

---

SUBJECT: Goiter (DO NOT DELETE) - Please forward

DATE: 17/11/2006

Hi people,

My name is Brett and I'm dying of a huge 5kg goiter on my left earlobe.

If I don't have a much needed operation by Friday, I'm going to die from severe neck injury. The problem is, I have no money for this operation. I spent it all on Pokemon cards.

Well I really thought I was going to die... honest! I believed that all hope was lost. Then I received great news from the "House Of Liberation From Goiters" saying they will give me 25c for every idiot that forwards my email (regardless of the fact they've no way of tracking the email and finding out how many suckers actually DID forward it).

This is great news... since I've seen how popular these kinds of emails are, and how many suckers DO believe them and forward them on.

Please don't discard this email. Have a heart... would you really want a helpless child like me to suffer and die a painful death?

Well, as I write, my goiter is the size of a Queensland bush pumpkin, and my earlobe hangs to just below my right hip... No wait, it's my left ear, that's right..no left. Anyway.

I can't live a normal life, I have to walk 12 kilometers to school alone, with my goiter in a wheelbarrow. I'm a walking timebomb... and this thing could burst any day, so you can imagine I have no friends.

This thing on my ear is a dangerous object to anybody close by, since one swing of my head could leave them in a 12 month coma, or worse! I don't want that to happen. I'm scared....

My mother left home before I was born, and my father was killed when he fell into a cup of boiling hot coffee. The rest of my family and relatives lost their lives on the Titanic.

I really appreciate what the HOLFG is doing for me, but it can't happen without you. So find that special place in your heart for a little child like me, and my huge goiter.

If you don't pass this on, you will be suddenly attacked by a hoard of giant, ravenous, flying centepedes. It's true!! Why would I lie?

However, if you DO forward this message right now to 155 people, within the next 12 seconds, then SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN!! I can't tell you what -- it's a surprise!!

P.S. You have 5 seconds remaining.

(This message has an amazing inbuilt counter programmed by NASA, which links directly back to the HOLFG mainframe server, and gives an up-to-date reading on number of people who have read this email. Including anyone standing behind you reading it.)

CURRENT COUNT:  1,002,542 people. A total of $250,635.50 !!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU... I almost have enough to pay for my operation!!

P.S. 1 second remaining.

FORWARD NOW!

Whippin up some cash

As much as we love it here in Siberia, there is the daunting reality setting in that we're slowly losing contact with the folk back home, and support for what we are doing here may eventually dwindle away! I talked a bit about this in the previous post.

I'm loving so much being able to spend time with the children at the kids club, and have been hanging out for residency so that I can finish up full time study. That would give us a ton of time to do much more in the community and seek out additional opportunities to make a difference in people's lives.

I'd hate to get residence, finish uni, then fill up my time with a full-time working commitment. Doesn't make sense. I can do that in Australia for at least 3 times the wage I could earn here.

What's the answer?

I'm hoping it's at least one of few things, all of which I'm dabbling in at once.

First, it's the aforementioned (in the previous post) possibility that LearnAussie.com will become a brand of some sort. This may lead into teaching English online.

By the way, I've joined a Facebook group of over 2,200 mostly Iranians learning Aussie English. I was surprised to discover that there are over 70,000 Iranians living in Australia - did you know that? This group has been good fun, and I was quickly promoted to Administrator and encouraged to share my blog posts and any videos I make in the future.

Apart from that, I have been looking into Udemy.com. It seems there are viable opportunities there to create video lessons on any topic (including Australian English) and make a steady income online.

Another interesting thing I've been researching is YouTube channels and how even the dorkiest people are making income from a popular channel.

Some of these things seem like pipedreams for the occasional lucky pioneer. Time will tell if any of them will pay off for me.

In the meantime, I'm doing it the hard way. In MacGyver fashion, I've rigged up a little sound recording booth with a microphone, a chair and a big fluffy dooner. My cousin Dave gave me a little USB sound mixer and I've scored my first job on oDesk.com

So what will I be doing?

Don't get excited. It's a 1 hour job worth $10.80. But at the end I get feedback (hopefully good) on the quality of my work.

All I have to do is read 200 lines of text in my awesome Aussie accent, save them as an audio file and send them off to my employer.

If I manage to score bigger and better jobs from this, then great. Otherwise, at least $10.80 will buy the Phillips Family more than a week's supply of milk!

I'd love to hear your ideas on passive or online income opportunities if you've had experience in any of these areas. (No, not get rich quick schemes - just honest income). Feel free to comment below.

Keeping busy

Challenge of the Century... Managing a stack of homework, five kids, extra-curricular activities, family time, ministry, making friends and social connections while somehow keeping family, friends and sponsors informed and involved.

The list goes on...

I realise that I need to fit something new in there. Somehow I need to start making some income. I can't work here in Russia, as I'm still on a student visa. We also cannot rely on sponsorship forever.

So I recently revisited a little project of mine that I started five years ago: Aussie English from the Sticks.

This was a blog and podcast that I abandoned after just a few episodes. However, when I logged back in to check if it still existed, I discovered something phenomenal.

I noticed the following:

Learn Australian English with a pro like me!

• I had a stack of comments on the posts from foreigners. They were from Spain, China, Iran, Russia, Sweden and so many other countries. They were all begging me to keep it up!
• I had emails in my blog's email address with recordings from foreigners practicing their Aussie English.
• I checked my stats and discovered I'd had thousands of viewers of the page.
• Finally, upon viewing my podcast stats, I was floored to discover that my podcast had been downloaded over 12,000 times and still had over 130 active subscribers!

Could I do something with this?

It was time to do a bit of reading. That's when I discovered it was actually possible to make some money if you were putting out content that a targeted audience wanted (e.g. Aussie English lessons).

Since then, I've been slowly working towards optimising my website in my "spare" time. That means writing content, preparing some more recordings, fine-tuning advertising and affiliate links.

While I may never make a huge income, I am feeling confident that something good might come of my efforts.

On a side note, but totally related, I noticed that THIS blog had received twelve book orders through FishPond.com.au affiliate program. Commission is only 5%, but it's money I earned passively without even realising!

If you're interested in my blog, check it out via my new domain name: LearnAussie.com

And just between you and me, Janene has something in the pipeline too ;-)

Well waddaya know?

[Several months later...]

Suddenly we are now the SEVEN in Siberia! Yes that's right, for those of you who only know me through this blog, we took a little intermission in there somewhere to welcome baby Anna into the world!

Anna-banana (as we jokingly call her)

Woh, that totally wasn't expected, believe me! But you might be able to judge from my post back in November 2013 that I was harbouring this little secret!

So we were totally blessed with 5 months back in beautiful Australia while little Anna made her grand, unplanned entrance to the world. We got to live in the outback on my mum and dad's 250 acre property.

Those were wonderful months for us, full of treasured memories.

Snakes, magpies, kangaroos, huge spiders... cooking yabbies and eating damper. And most importantly, our kids spending time with their Gma and Pa.

Now we're back in frozen Siberia in the city of Krasnoyarsk. We love it here! Everything is so different, but not TOO different to freak us out.

The kids are slowly adjusting to Russian life, and language is taking it's sweet time in taking root in our brains - especially my teen son, who's not so keen on studying.

Send your best language learning tips our way!

Resurrection?

Should I?

So now I have more convenient access to the net, and to blogging... Should I revive my efforts to keep track of life?

We'll see if I really have time for that.

But oh, how life has changed since all those earlier blog posts! Here we are on the other side of the planet, living in Krasnoyarsk, Russia. YES! Banished to Siberia (by divine appointment, I hope).

There are six of us at present; nothing more I'm ready to add there. But a little two-bedroom apartment can put a wee strain on family relations from time to time, let me tell you.

Until my next spare moment...

Bracelets in the Ukraine

So let me share another little story. This relates to the GOSPEL bracelets we use as a ministry tool when sharing the Christian Gospel with the kids in Russia.

A bracelet consists of 5 colours: YELLOW (Heaven), BLACK (sin), RED (Jesus' blood), WHITE (purity/forgiveness) and GREEN (Christian growth in the Holy Spirit). Each bracelet comes with a little card explaining this Gospel message in finer detail, along with Scripture verses.

With that information in mind, here's the story:

Near the end of our time in Dnepropetrovsk, Ukraine, I had finished giving a sermon to the young church there. We were standing around in a big circle singing hymns and chanting ancient psalms in Russian when Captain Sergey Katchinov asked if anybody would like to share. There were a few young folk sharing from the bottom of their joyful hearts and finally there was silence. Fumbling in my pocket, I felt a spare Gospel bracelet. I pulled it out and asked if I could share the story. I showed them how we had shared the Gospel in a simple, “colourful” way with the children in Russia.

Then I told them I had about 70 of these bracelets left, along with information cards, and if they would like them to use in the ministry they are doing in the orphan homes, I’d be glad to give them.

Natasha, one of the young ladies we had spent the week visiting the orphan homes with, was moved almost to tears, and said she also needed to share from her heart. Then she began to relay how that very morning, she and her friends gathered in prayer, and prayed specifically for a simple way to reach the orphans with the gospel. They had made many visits to the orphan homes, but, many being new Christians themselves, were not sure how they could effectively share such an important message.

So the Gospel bracelets have now made their impact in both Russia and the Ukraine. Please pray for the ministry these young Christians are pioneering in the city of Dnepropetrovsk.

One year on...

Well will you look at that? I'm at the same point in my life as I was a year ago (almost).

Again, I'm getting ready for my next visit to Russia - this one will be my 4th! I'm becoming an old pro at this.

Already I have a great bunch of people on my team, we're going to have a blast!

So anyway, tonight I was writing up another of the many stories that came from my last trip. I'll be putting them into a newsletter for my supporters and would-be supporters to read and be encouraged by.

I thought I'd like to share just one of those stories, as it gives me goose bumps as I type it out and relive it! Enjoy.


Customs on the train
The train from Rostov-on-Don, Russia to Dnepropetrovsk, Ukraine was an overnight journey. We bundled ourselves into the train at dusk, waving goodbye to our new friends in Rostov, and to Natasha’s mother and sister. She was coming with us on her own adventure - this being her first time out of Russia!
We crammed our bulky luggage into the small compartment with two sets of bunks, and flopped down to chat as our train rolled on.
Before long, we were all dozing. At around midnight the train stopped and border security entered the train and were soon knocking on our compartment door. Everybody woke up and dug out their passports and documents.
Yes, we had our passports. Yes, we had our visas. Then the guard checking our documents asked for a copy of our “invitation letter”. This is a special supporting document issued when obtaining our visas. Unfortunately it was one thing I had forgotten to bring! We were very, very nervous as a group of three guards gathered at our door looking at our documents, discussing what to do with us.
Wendy and I both began silently praying about the situation as Natasha answered their random questions. Suddenly one of the guards asked Natasha if we were Christians. She answered truthfully. Then he asked “baptist?” - which is used as a generic, and often derogatory term for non-Orthodox Christians. Natasha answered “no, protestant” - which itself is still probably a dangerous title in an Orthodox country. Finally, he asked if we’d come to evangelise (we were travelling on a “tourist” visa, and special visas are required for any kind of religious visit). Again she answered truthfully, and we were now in God’s hands!
The air was thick with tension as he looked at us for what seemed an age, then he ordered the guard holding the passports to “stamp it”.
The guard warned us that next time we should apply for the correct visa. He wished us goodnight and they all moved on.
Thank God!

God’s got it all planned out!

Well if I had reason to doubt God’s in this Russia thing, then all doubt is blown away now!

What am I talking about? Let me explain!

Some time ago, a Russian Salvation Army captain, Sergey Kachanov, added me to his friend’s list on vkontakte.com. He sent a brief message, welcoming me to the Salvation Army group on that site, and hoped that if I knew enough Russian I could join in on conversations.

I took some time to look at his profile and check out all the pictures in his albums. I really liked seeing him, along with a lot of youth, involved in outreach at hospitals, orphanages etc.

It was great to see the work the Salvation Army is doing over there – such practical work that seems is hard to come by here in Australia. (Q: Have we lost our focus?) I did want to know more about Sergey and his Corps, but I forgot about it for a while.

In the meantime I tried organising other missions trips through OM (a missions organisation), but those weren’t going to happen in time. I’d also contacted the Rostov-on-Don Corps, but nothing had come of it. I was keeping my eyes peeled, desperately hoping for something extra to do while we were on that side of the globe.

Finally, I prayed that God would reveal an opportunity. Then in a moment of inspiration, I remembered Sergey and decided to myself “Yes! I’ll send him an email introducing myself and explaining my desire to serve God in Russia. Then I’ll ask him if there’s something I can do.”

Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear. (Isaiah 65:24)

My God is a big God… and yes, He was just waiting for me to seek Him first! In His faithfulness, He answered my prayer before I’d even prayed it.

When I logged into vkontakte.com, ready to send that message to Sergey, what did I find? There was a message waiting for me FROM SERGEY!

OK, maybe a coincidence that Sergey sent me a message? But what about the content of the message? Judge for yourself:

Hi, Brett, how are you doing?
Two days ago we've had one couple majors from Moscow THQ (originally they are from Australia). They introduced us to the Australian Salvation Army sites.
On one of them I saw your desire to come to Russia with a group of those who would like to serve the Lord.
I thought it's a good idea and comes from above.
So, if you would be interested we could communicate and cooperate together in it. Here at Dnepr there are plenty opportunities to minister for example youth or children.
We are visiting the orphanages and shelters on a regular base. During summer there is a good chance to minister homeless children and youth in the shelter "ROSTOK". We've practiced that already and it brought good results.
So, please, pray about that and if God will lead you and your friends we would be happy to assist you...
Blessings upon your head and great Joy in Him!

So, here is Sergey answering God’s call to contact me. I’m glad he was faithful to God, because it really made my day, week and month!

Things have progressed well from here. Sergey is organising a letter of invitation from his DHQ so that I can obtain a visa to the Ukraine (Dniprpetrovsk is located in the Ukraine I soon discovered).

Now I’m praying for a team, and God is answering those prayers. Things are very encouraging. I’m so glad to be serving living God… a God of “coincidences” :-)

Lotsa fun with stuff

Aussie English! From the sticks :D
So one of my little projects lately (outside of all-consuming fatherhood) has been to create my first podcast called Aussie English from the sticks.

So far I've only done 3 episodes, but have had some good feedback. I thought it was pretty daggy and silly, but there's been a lot of people visiting the podcast/blog from all over planet Earth!

Check it out and let me know what you think.

Vloggin'
No, not me, but Glenn. I saw a couple of episodes of his vlog and laffed. Go Glenn! Check out Glenn's vlog.

I'm betting he gets a ton more episodes done now that he just bought himself a Macbook! The schweetness about this is that he's selling me his old Toshiba laptop for hecka-cheap! Thanks Glenn, you really, REALLY care.

Meanwhile, I'm kinda nervous. Macs are looking so good... I think they might take over the world :O They were NEVER this good back in my early pre-press design days.

New Project

Not that I get time to work on new projects, but I spent til 1am last night launching my first podcast!

The idea is to share a bit of Aussie English for whoever is hungry enough for it.

I know that when I am learning a language, I'll enjoy anything in that language, especially if it is spoken slowly enough that I can grasp some new words.

So that's the theory. I'm gonna try to make it fun AND informative. Let's hope it is a success.

Here it is: Aussie English from the sticks

What am I still doing here?

In my heart there’s such a deep calling to get to work! Serve God somewhere in the vast-expanse-of-a-country known as Russia!

My efforts to find a missionary society willing to send a whole family of 6 has not revealed the open door I’d hoped for. WHERE IS IT?

Meanwhile, it’s time to plan for my short-term commitment – the St Petersburg summer camp at Kastyor (костёр). I’m so excited about going, but praying for support from my fellow believers.

Pray with me… support me… come too!

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
Isaiah 6:8

Time Flies... and the end is nigh!

(Taken from my editorial in our church newsletter, 15 November 2009)
Yesterday my first son, Eli (I’m sure you all know him) turned 10. Yes... TEN! For me it’s astounding how fast those years have gone.
You can’t justifiably call them ten “short” years, as they’re the same length as any other ten years in history (except the ten that contained Joshua’s “long day”–You better read Joshua chapter 10).
However, for all of us, there’s a common perception of life going by so fast as we get older.
As youngsters, it takes forever for Christmas to come. As adults, today we can’t believe that Christmas is only 5 weeks and 5 days away - because we only just had Christmas!
Is it because our lives are progressively filled with more and more concerns, chores, family members (and birthdays), TV shows, commitments... I think so.
What will eventually be apparent to us all is how fast the end of our Earth years have snuck up on us. It will be then that we’ll experience the regrets of what was or wasn’t done and said.
It takes wisdom to recognise NOW what those regrets might be and work to make sure we live the life God prescribed in the Bible.
Make the neccessary changes TODAY, because Today is the beginning of the rest of your life!
For insight, start with the Bible verses listed below.

• Matt 6:30-40
• Phil 4:4-9
• James 1:22-27
• Eph 6:10-18

Double goodness

TWO great things have happened.

UNCLE DAVEY / VIKTOR HULIGANOV
Firstly, my favourite YouTube channel, starring a guy named Viktor Huliganov (an alter-identity of "Uncle Davey", an English guy) has explained his awesome language vocabulary learning technique "THE GOLD LIST".

Viktor, a pseudo-Russian who speaks in a very strong Russian accent while giving very good Russian grammar lessons, telling funny jokes and singing songs in English & Russian has already described his technique on his website: The Goldlist (click it)

BUT my happy discovery was his YouTube video post (a.k.a. vlog) describing the process of learning vocabulary to the Long-Term memory using his Gold List method. I highly recommend it. It works for any language, and probably for just about any other thing you have to memorise (formulas, botanic names etc).

I'd already begun using this technique, but wasn't sure I was making the most of it, but Viktor has described it well in his vlog.

STAPLE REMOVER
Yippee! Secondly I got my staples out of my gut-skin today. The skin where each staple was holding on was getting red, sore and itchy; effectively driving me bonkers.

The little staple removing device was pretty cool. It hurt a bit, but not much more than when Janene squeezes the pimples on my back (you know, the ones right on the edge of your back above your kidneys? Very tender area!)

Now I'm feeling much better. I can laugh again without that excessive pain which felt like it was causing internal haemorrhaging.

Life will be even betterer when I get my wound pads removed and Janene thinks I am sexy again.

Body Piercings

I've had my guts chopped and the hernia is all nicely repaired. The side effects are temporary, but obvious :-) I'm looking forward to doing normal stuff again, when I finally feel better.

On the left here you can see one of the 3 entry points that the surgeon created to shove his laproscopic tools in and do his work.

There's lots of vids on YouTube to show the process involved. Search for "Inguinal Hernia Repair".

(click here for one)

We have transmission!

Like a deserted Mars probe on that silent planet... this blog has sat abandoned. Like an alarm clock in the desert, its purpose long forgotten.

But there's a stirring, a brief moment of animation and suddenly with a puff and a whirl we're off again! I'M ALIVE!

There's an old philosophical question: "If a tree falls in the middle of the forest, and nobody is there to hear it, does it still make a sound".

Of course it does! What a stupid question.

My real question is IF there's a blog in the middle of cyberspace and nobody's there to read it, is there a point? So... is anybody reading this? I guess the answer is YES, because I'm reading as I write.

In any case, here I sit with a bunch of metal staples in my aching torso following surgery to repair my inguinal hernia on the right side.

Walking, and movement in general, has been awkward and painful. So then, what better way to fill some time than to resume my presence in blogland?

Glad to be back.

Clayton playing “Guess Who”

Do you have a sister?

If you’ve never played ”Guess Who”, you won’t appreciate the hilarity.

Костёр – I love you! Костёр – Я люблю!

What an adventure!

Well after 21 days away from home in foreign places, and 16 days at camp Костёр in Russia, I think I can safely call it a real adventure.

There are a stack of things I can say I learnt while I was away. Here are a few of them:

• God can use even me
• Russian kids really want to hear the Gospel
• You cannot put a price on one changed life
• Squat toilets over a pit aren’t so bad if you give it time
• Borsh (борщ) is yummo, despite appearances
• I’m a gifted pine cone (шишки) shifter, with my lanky toes
• Long distance travel hurts your butt
• Mother taught us to keep elbows in at the table in preparation for eating food in claustrophobic conditions on international flights
• Schoolyard handball - Aussie-style - is destined for universal acceptance and Olympic Games inclusion
• It’s true as the Russians say – Russia has two problems, roads and fools (though I didn’t meet that many fools – just bad roads)
• Read the fine print… and re-read the large print
• Finland is like the country you see in fairy tale illustrations
• Russia 2009 is lookin’ good

I managed to write over 100 pages of journal entries. Sure, I’d love to type them all out and post them online – right after I finish my book on the Amplified Analysis of Inter-Galactic Lightspeed Travel, And Its Effect on Photosynthesis.

But seriously, I can’t seem to dig up the words I need to express my love for those lovable kids. Will He send me again? I’m ready…

Up, Up, AND AWAY!

ДОБРОЕ УТРО, РОССИЯ

So between my last post and now, a LOT has happened! (I guess that answers the question about Live Writer – see below).

Fundraising efforts were blessed and people gave generously. At first I expected to be getting a loan to try and cover half of my trip – but here I am going to Russia fully supported by people’s faithful giving, PLUS I was able to buy $2000 worth of Bibles and workbooks for the kids. INCREDIBLE.

It’s almost 7am here now, and I’m still in my PJs with hair all scraggy. I can hear the boys in the next room, they’re up early giggling and making typical boy jokes. The hardest part about going to Russia for 3 weeks is I’ll miss them!

Lovely Janene and Layna, my lovely wife and sweet, smiling daughter. Leaving is the hardest part! I love them all so much.

For only the second time in my life I had a coldsore for the last week. It was a sign of the strained emotions leading up to this day. It means I haven’t even been able to kiss Janene for a whole week! I’ve had a few very sleepless nights, but before bed last night I asked God to prepare me, relax me… and I had the best night sleep anyone could expect!

Well, my bag’s packed – it’s full of everything I’ll probably never need. I wonder what I forgot? Like they used to say on the old game show: “Don’t forget your toothbrush!”

Whoever’s reading this, please pray for me and the team, and for the orphans I’ll encounter. These kids (like all of us) need love. Touching these lives may only be a drop in the ocean, but how do you think the ocean got full?  :P

Signing off, until I can find a computer.

До свидания!

Windows Live Blog Writer?

Testing a new tool...

So, I've updated Live Messenger and it kindly offered to include another three hundred plugins during the update. As usual, I unchecked them ALL, but then read the description of the "Writer" tool.

So here I am, I've installed the Writer tool which allows me to write to my blog in a convenient manner - not having to login to Blogger.com for every entry.

Will this encourage me to write entries on a more regular basis? Check back periodically to see...

(I must admit, the interface is pleasing...)

Whom to serve...

Is my heart being reshaped? Am I being forged for some kind of mission?

The more I look at our greedy, self-magnifying culture, the more I wonder what cultural baggage I'm carrying that is causing me to miss the purpose and beauty of life.

Materialism has gripped the heart of the West and with its general rejection of God the Creator under the guise of spiritual "liberation", the choice to believe in nothing has resulted in a belief in anything. It's a smorgasbord of false gods where you take a spoonful of this, a slice of that, pile up your plate with what looks delicious... but in the end it all has the same bland taste and you wind up still feeling rather empty.

I'm feeling the pinch financially, and I'm sure we're in the clutches of a economic recession. But this is NOTHING. We whinge and complain about interest rates, bank fees, petrol prices, grocery bills, etc. But this really is nothing if we care to think outside of our immediate selfish wants.

As I prepare for Russia, I am hoping God will break my heart with what I experience. I want it broken and reshaped into something beautiful for Him. I want to rid myself of this cultural baggage and discover something real and lasting. I know I can only find it in Him.

What are your gods?